“21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.” (NIV)
“…21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.” (ESV)
What does this verse often get misunderstood to mean?
Husbands are the God-ordained authority figure over their wives, and wives are expected by God to obey their husbands in everything.
What does this verse actually mean?
Husbands are often the source of provision for their wives and are counterculturally called to use that power to serve their wives self-sacrificially as Christ did, and wives are expected to treat their husbands with deep appreciation and honor for this.
Explanation
This is from a letter that Paul, an early church figure who wrote most of the New Testament books, wrote to a church in Ephesus.
The Missing Verb
The original language of this text is Greek, which has different grammar rules than English. In Greek, it was common for a sentence not to have a verb whenever the author felt that the readers could infer the correct verb, usually from a previous sentence. On the other hand, in English, we expect a grammatically correct sentence to contain a verb. In the original Greek, Ephesians 5:22 does not have a verb, but verse 21 does. It contains the verb hypotassō (ὑποτασσόμενοι), which translates to English as the word “submit.”
When translating these two verses into grammatically correct English, translators needed a verb for verse 22, so they borrowed the verb from verse 21. This means that though our English translations of verse 22 (“wives, submit to your own husbands”) contain the word “submit,” the original Greek does not. This is important to know because in Greek, when the sentence contains a verb, it is read as a command. When it infers the verb, it is less of a command and more of a suggestion. Between these two verses, the one that actually contains the verb “hypotassō” and is being said as a command is not verse 22 talking about wives; it is in verse 21 where Paul is addressing everybody.
The Impossible Submission Command
How does this color the passage as a whole? Paul is teaching how to approach different relationships in a Christlike manner. He begins with the blanket statement in verse 21, telling everyone to submit to everyone. When we English speakers hear the word “submit,” we get a picture of someone dutifully following orders, a soldier obeying their general, an employee obeying their boss, etc. But Paul says that everyone should be submitted to everyone. Obviously, he can’t be implying a hierarchy with clear subordinates and superiors, because if everyone were submitting to everyone, that would be impossible.
The Possible Honor Command
In the ancient Greco-Roman world, honor and shame were like social currency. The voluntary humility that Christ embodied was ridiculed. Having a revered reputation where others pay homage to you was everything. The system of who honors who was usually based on social standing. For example, someone of a lower class would have been said to hypotassō/submit to someone of a higher social class to acknowledge their higher standing. The word “hypotassō” is translated as “submitting,” but a more accurate understanding of the word is to show someone honor and respect. So, when Paul is speaking about submitting in this passage, he is speaking about honoring. This new linguistic context makes his command in verse 21 possible to follow. “Everyone submit to everyone” can now be understood as “everyone should honor everyone.” Paul is following the countercultural example set by Christ to show everyone respect regardless of what the world says about their social standing.
Verse 22
As stated before, verse 22 has no verb, meaning that it is not actually being given as a command in the way that other verses in the passage are. Paul is giving it as an example of what he means in verse 21. Knowing that hypotassō doesn’t mean the blind obedience from a subordinate to a superior, Paul’s address to wives can be understood differently. He is saying that wives should honor their husbands, to appreciate them and celebrate them. They should talk about them and treat them in a respectful manner rather than one that is ungrateful, derogatory, or belittling.
Paul also adds an addendum to this statement that protects women. “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” What exactly does this phrase, "as to the Lord," mean? In the latter verses of 23 and 24, Paul uses the imagery of how Christ treated the church as a standard for how husbands are mean to treat their wives. Christ led the church to God. Christ never did anything to the church that goes against God. When Paul says that phrase, “as to the Lord,” he is clarifying something important: wives are called to honor their husband’s contributions when it is in accordance with the Lord, inferring that if a husband is doing something that goes against God, the wife is not expected to go along with him, cover for him, clean up after him, or make excuses for him. Rather than being told to swallow grievances and blindly submit, Paul is telling wives to hypotassō their husbands when their husbands are acting in accordance with God. In verse 24, he emphasizes the importance of wives treating their husbands well in all things, but balanced with his clarification in verse 22, Paul reminds wives that their primary relationship is with God, not their spouse.
Verse 23
Paul uses the word “kephalē” (κεφαλή) to describe what the husband is to the wife. This gets translated in English as the word “head.” This is another language barrier to uncover. When English speakers hear someone being described as the head of a thing, we again think of a superior in relation to their subordinates, the leader, the authority figure, or someone with the power to decide how things go. However, if that was what Paul was trying to convey, he would have used a different word.
There is another Greek word that appears about 100 times in the New Testament: exousia (ἐξουσία). This is the word that means “authority figure” as we tend to understand it. For example, look at its use in Romans 13:1 to convey a sense of complete control: “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities (exousia).” Instead, Paul chooses a different word to describe husbands. So, what does kephalē mean?
Source of Life
It can be used to describe a leadership position, but it has other notable uses. It is used to describe a literal head of a body, specifically in relation to extreme punishment (example: Matthew 27:30). This is because the loss of a head means the loss of life. The only way for a body to live is for the head to be attached to it. Kephalē is also used to mean cornerstone. A cornerstone is the foundational brick in a building that provides the support for the rest of the structure. Without it, the building would fall (example: Matthew 21:24).
That being said, kephalē means the source or origin of a thing’s life. The head of the body is the source of the body’s life. The cornerstone of a building is the foundation of the structure. In the same way that the head of a river is the source of the river’s life, the head of the wife is the source of her wellbeing and provision. Paul is not saying that a husband is the authority figure over the wife, he is saying that the husband is the source of the wife’s wellbeing.
Knowing that in the ancient world gender roles were strict and gender rights were imbalanced, this was especially true of Paul to say. Women were not educated, they typically did not hold jobs, they had no means of supporting themselves or living alone. All their physical protection, legal protection, and material needs were provided to them through their husband. Paul is acknowledging this power imbalance by calling the husband a kephalē.
How do we know that this is what Paul meant with his word choice? It is reflected in the verses that come after. In verses 25-29 Paul never describes the kephalē of the wife as giving orders or making the decisions; he describes the husband as loving her and putting her needs ahead of his own.
Scandalous Laundry
After commanding everyone to treat each other with countercultural humility and encouraging wives to honor their husbands while also acknowledging the power imbalance present in their culture, Paul gives a somewhat scandalous address on how his command in verse 21 applies to the husbands. He acknowledges in verse 23 that husbands are the head/source of their wives and then goes on to describe what being a Christlike head/source should look like.
Paul uses imagery of men doing laundry to describe to the husbands how they should be submitting to/honoring their wives. He describes washing, getting rid of wrinkles and stains. He is describing a dirty, menial, domestic task, one that the women or servants would typically do, and that in their honor-shame hungry culture, the men would never touch. And that is the illustration he uses to tell husbands how to treat their wives. He is telling them to love her so self-sacrificially that they humble themselves and do the servant’s work, the work that society would say is beneath them. So, if you’re a man in the ancient world hearing Paul’s teaching on this, it would have been a shocking reversal of gender roles and of culture. The idea of the husbands acting as a servant to their wives? No way.
But Paul leaves no room for arguing because he brings it back to Christ. He reminds the reader that this is what Christ did for us. He was the God of the universe, and his disciples were mere men. That is a power imbalance much more extreme than that of men and women in the Greco-Roman world. And How does Jesus approach that power imbalance? Does he wield it like a weapon, expecting to be treated like a King? No, he yields it and washes the disciples’ feet. Paul is calling husbands to recognize their own power imbalance and follow suit with the example Christ set for us.
Suggestion vs. Command
Just as it is notable that in Paul’s address to wives there is no verb present, in his address to husbands in verse 25 there is a verb present. This is a marked shift in tone. Paul goes from speaking to the wives and giving an example of submission to delivering a clear and direct command to the husbands. Why is there such a difference? Does God expect more from husbands than wives? No. There is an imbalance of intensity in Paul’s words because there was a cultural imbalance of power between the two spouses. Paul gives the men a more intense instruction than the women, not because the wives are not capable of handling one, but because it was the men that needed one.
Addressing vs. Endorsing
Furthermore, Paul never actually endorsed the gender roles of his time. In fact, he is going against them in this passage. Paul does not say that the husband should be the head of the wife; he is acknowledging that they are. After teaching about submission within the marriage dynamic, Paul goes on to talk about the submission dynamic between slaves and masters. This does not mean that slavery is being endorsed by Paul and should therefore be practiced today, but rather it is being addressed because it was present in their society. Similarly, the gender roles of his time are also not being endorsed, just addressed.
Conclusion
Paul is giving a countercultural message that upends his society’s avoidance of humility. He commands everyone to embody the character of Christ by submitting/showing honor to everyone regardless of what society might let you get away with. He acknowledges the imbalance of power that exists between men and women and implores men with a shocking reverse of traditional gender roles to emphasize how self-sacrificial Christ’s love was for us and that we should be showing the same in our marriages.
Sources
Meanings of head: https://www.parrott.ink/misused-scripture-ephesians-5-23
Shame and honor culture: https://undeceptions.com/history/5-minute-jesus-honour-shame-and-humility
Junia project: https://juniaproject.com/paul-turns-headship-head-ephesians-5
Instances of kephalē: https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g2776/esv/mgnt/0-1/
Instances of hypotassō: https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g5293/esv/mgnt/0-1/
Instances of exousia: https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/g1849/esv/mgnt/0-1/